1. The Broadcaster: Reads from a textbook and asks students to make notes. After the lesson this one, too, heads to the staffroom for a tea break. They act like they’ve made it in life.
2. The Delegator: Delegates work to the learner with the best handwriting and the monitor. On sosho media during lessons.
3. The Makeup Artist; applies too much makeup and fashion-conscious. Dresses skimpily. They teach mostly Literature and English.
4. The Braggart: Spends most of the lesson bragging how bright they were in school, what they’ve accomplished and how they’ve helped relatives. They teach half the lesson.
5. The StoneFace: Wears sura ya kazi always. Their classes are mostly full and quiet due to fear. Has all loan apps on their phones.
6. The Latecomer: This one left college when Kenyatta was still president. They go to class 10 minutes late but leaving is not easy; students have to drop spoons when lunchtime is ½way through.
7. Multitasker: Stops lessons halfway to attend to some personal errand; maybe a baby they left in the school kitchen or staffroom, answer a call from a relative in the US…most lessons end prematurely.
8. The Comedian: They could have joined Churchill Live but somehow they ended up in Kiswahili or History lecture rooms. They don’t teach maths. It’s not easy to find a funny maths teacher.
9. Miss OCD: They suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. They can’t touch the duster lest they cough their intestines out. They carry 4 handkerchiefs, wet wipes and tissue.
10. The OCS: This one could have joined the Army and fight for Kenya in Somalia. Somehow they found themselves in college and now they teach Biology and Chemistry. They’re the Discipline Masters.
11. Diet Expert: This one sneezes a lot and doesn’t eat most of the school meals. Knows the importance of pumpkin and cord liver oil. She carries her water and charger.
12. The IT Expert: All digital devices and problems wait for him. He supports Manchester Utd or Arsenal. He’s always in debt.
13. TSC Agent: Has the TSC Code of conduct booklet, knows all the announcements but he doesn’t own a smartphone. If he has one his WhatsApp is obsolete or no bundles.
